MH INITIATIVES
MEHREEN HASHMI

WRITINGS

I suffer from developmental trauma as after effects of 20 years long physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Now that I can share my story , I share my social struggles and thoughts as a catharsis.

Dandelions at Vila Flora in Prague

When I was a child, I learned to make a wish through dandelion. There were so many dandelions in my parent's house. It was so many times when I held a dandelion in my hand, made a wish and let it go for it to be true. I have been a wishful person who has believed in magic and miracles. If there are miracles then there is magic and if there is magic there are wishes for sure. So, I made wishes with those dandelion flowers in my parent's home which I had to leave few years ago to keep myself well and alive. I like dandelions more than any flower, during my darkest days, it looked like a small, round, tiny source of light to me. Considering the fact that these are a child's imagination. I was never allowed to make friends, I was never allowed to play with other children. Why? There are several reasons which I cannot mention here. But I survived and created my own universe called ‘Blue planet’. Besides these survival strategies, dandelions were something which has comforted me from my reality of that time. So I made wishes, a lot of wishes; learning dance and several other skills, making real friends, being successful, study in an art school and travel the world.

Wishes don't come true on its own, one has to pay the price for it. Being able to create a good life and later maintain it, I have to work tirelessly day and night. Although it seems easy to some people and they have been courteous enough to mention it to me, it’s a difficult struggle. I love to travel and have been working hard to make it happen. Hard work is always not enough, you have to make a wish also. Besides my parent's home, I have not seen many dandelions for several years. Although I have not stopped making wishes. This summer I was planning for a regular vacations to Bali, but wished not to be alone while travelling this time. I also wish to have a break from life without worrying about anything. A break to just enjoy myself but not being alone somewhere out of where I live. So I ended up with a Europe trip starting from Netherlands for an exhibition. From Netherlands to Berlin, everything was all planned and I kept the rest of the days open ended. While socializing in Netherlands, a fellow artist suggested Prague. 

I believe everything means something and everything happens according to a planned design. Shortly, there are no accidents or co-incidents. While looking for accommodation on Airbnb, I came across to a shared place in Prague where several travelers stay and live together. It was a good chance of my control freak self to experience sharing with others. So I booked it and for the first time, there was no visual about 'Vila Flora' in my head. Well, I fell sick with fever in Berlin and traveled to Prague same day. I thought of taking a day off from strolling and stay indoors. After few hours of my check in, I was cooking with four other people from four different countries in one kitchen. It was the beginning of this wonderful time which I will never forget. I entered Vila flora with a question mark on my face, observing everything. For the first time, I did not have a plan. For the very first time, I was not worried about time passing while spending hours with my morning coffee and chatting with amazing people. I could talk there and be myself, the way I am and like to be. It all depends on people around you; I believe, we all meet for a reason. It was my wish coming true, that place gave me a break from life without being alone. I cannot put all those wonderful memories in to words because words cannot do justice to those days. I looked forward to come back to the villa while being a tourist visiting places. It’s the place itself which makes you connected and it’s my good luck to have the most amazing group of people during my stay. The most amazing part is that without knowing each other, we could talk about so much without any barriers. It’s the place itself too. There is something which brings you together in ways you have never planned from one human to another. We were not friends, we might not meet again, we did not know each other but we communicated just being a person.

First day after I checked in, I found dandelions growing in their garden after all these years, this time I didn't make a wish instead ; I said ' Thank You for making my wishes true'.